First Kills
by amandapandakins
Summary: The Konoha 11 are on a mission when they encounter something they never thought they'd see again. Later, they take turns telling their story of what they've seen. First part might be kinda slow but good background info to start it off. Reviews and ideas are greatly appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

The sun had set hours ago, and the Konoha 11 now sat around a campfire in silence. Even the ones who were usually filled with energy were now quietly sitting on the ground with hands in their laps and eyes on the fire, but minds on the past.

It was yesterday they received orders from the Hokage of their next mission. At dawn, they were to head out to retrieve scrolls stolen by missing nin. It seemed like an easy mission, however, it would have been easier if these ninja had a village to return to. Then, the group would simply go to that village to get their scrolls back. But the ones who'd taken the scrolls could be anywhere. It was unclear of how many enemies there were and what they were capable of. That's why the large group was required to go. The variety of skills and abilities, not to mention the comradeship that could lead to mission success, was important in every aspect.

Just as requested, they all met at the gates and left at dawn. Neji and Shikamaru were to lead this mission, as they'd both been deemed geniuses. With a larger group, they could split up into two smaller groups with a leader calling the shots for each. They ran all day surveying the ground and routes that could have been taken by the enemy.

By noon, they found a place to grab a bite to eat right by a waterfall that turned into a river at the bottom. The group ate outside and, of course, a few of the boys jumped into the river and began playing chicken; Naruto on Choji's shoulders against Lee on Kiba's shoulders. Soon, everyone else wanted to join them in the water. Naruto summoned a few toads and asked them to bring back a couple of large lily pads for everyone to relax on and jump from, just to, as Lee said, enjoy their youth.

And so went their various activities. The girls huddled on one lily pad and cheered on the boys playing chicken. Shikamaru laid down on his watched the clouds roll by. With his legs folded, Neji meditated on his. When he was done, he moved his lily pad nearer to Shikamaru's to discuss their strategy. Shino stocked up on bugs because, lucky for him, he managed to find the exact kind he wanted. Even Akamaru was dog paddling and jumping from lily pad to lily pad.

It didn't last long. There was still the mission at hand. But for the Konoha 11, being able to forget ninja duties, even for only half an hour, was worth it to just be regular teenagers. The ninja world was big and full of things that can never be unseen, but little moments like that, where they all came together, played a big roll in helping them recover and remember that the world wasn't entirely full of evil.

By sundown, things took a drastic change. Without knowing it, they encountered the enemy and were placed in a genjutsu. When the genjutsu was first cast, it was the exact same as the forrest and the trees they were jumping from, completely unnoticeable. It was Sakura who first noticed it because even though everything looked the same, nothing felt the same. She informed the group and stopped their running. They were told to proceed with caution and slowed down their running pace when they resumed action. Suddenly, the forrest stopped and in front of them was a large, open, grassy area. They all stood on a large tree branch and looked down to see something they all hoped to never encounter again.

It was each of them, all at various ages, coming to the end of a battle with the first person they killed. Not only could they see their own, but they could see everyone else's first kill as well. Once each opponent was dead, the genjutsu was gone, and so was the enemy.

Part of being a ninja is knowing that killing is involved. It was one of the those things they learned in the academy, but no one wanted to pay attention to. But no matter who you are, your first kill will always be with you, it will always be a part of you. Although it may not define you, it's hard to forget.

None of the 11 were ready to face that again. A few of the boys were enraged at what they were forced to see, as well as the pain the ones they were close to felt as well. They were ready to head out and kill, no longer only to regain their scrolls. The girls were still paralyzed with fear, in no shape to fight. Noses in the air, Kiba and Akamaru couldn't catch even the tiniest scent of another presence. Shikamaru concluded it must have been a trap set up much earlier for anyone who stumbled upon the area. Unfortunately, they were the ones to find it. Neji ordered they find a place to rest for the night and continue their search in the morning. No one objected.

So now, here they were. All sitting quietly around the campfire, thinking back to their first kill. They tried to focus and pay attention to their surroundings in case of enemy attack, but between Ino's silent sobs and an occasional sniffle from Lee, it was incredibly hard.

Kiba broke the silence. He stood up and said, "Okay...I know what we all saw back there. But we can't let it get to us like this. I mean, c'mon, how did we all get over our first, first, you know..." he trailed off.

"We all may have been able to get past it, but there's a difference between thinking back to it and seeing it again in front of you," Shino replied.

"Not to mention we didn't see it through our own eyes like the first time," Tenten continued. "We saw ourselves, our bodies and our opponents at the same time."

"It was a whole new perspective, watching ourselves..." Choji chimed in.

Naruto finally spoke up, "And I saw you, and you, and you," he pointed to everyone in their cirlce, "k-k-k- you know what I mean. I saw all of you do it and you all saw me do it. And we all saw each other's experience."

"We've seen each other kill before," Shikamaru said, all cringing at the K-word. "But we all did it for different reasons at different ages. We're ninja, after all. I don't see you guys any different after that."

"Looks like it's story time," Naruto said. "Who's first?"

They all looked around the campfire, none wanting to go first, but knowing it would be their turn eventually.

"I'll go first," a voice said. Everyone turned in the direction of the voice and looked at Neji. He took in a deep breath and let it out, preparing to tell his tale. "I was 12..."

And with that, the stories began.


	2. Neji's First Kill

"It was my first B-rank mission. And I never even knew his name."

* * *

The sky that day was surprisingly sunny. Neji woke up that morning knowing he was going to face the enemy. He knew that it may come to a kill. But those were not his intentions. He wanted to get his opponent down and as close to death as possible without actually killing them. He didn't want to watch the life fade from their eyes. He could live with a clean conscious if the enemy was given a near impossible chance of life, but still barely alive if he walked away.

Guy went over what was going to happen that day. It was just the two of them on this mission. Lee and Tenten had an accident involving him and her weapons. His injury wasn't too serious, but he was ordered to stay behind until the next mission to make sure he healed properly. Tenten stayed behind to watch him and make sure he didn't over work his body.

"I understand it's hard to properly practice using the gentle fist without actually doing it. In sparring, you can't use it all the way with chakra because if you do, you will sever your opponent's chakra network. Your byakugan is very well developed and I have no doubt you can see everything you're supposed to with those eyes. From talking with your uncle, your stance and motions for the gentle fist are perfect. Today may be the day where you are to use the gentle fist without holding back. You wanna block chakra in the opponent? Then by all means go ahead. I know I held you and the others back from the chunin exams this year, but this is to prepare you for that test and to see just how capable you are. Then when we return, we can hone those skills and improve your jutsu! Just remember that no matter what I will protect you and I am proud of you." Guy gave Neji the nice guy pose once he finished his lecture. Neji nodded once in response. His composure was calm, but no one could tell how anxious he truly was on the inside.

Guy's words resounded in his head as the duo walked. It was odd hearing such praising words from Guy, since Lee was the obvious favorite. At the same time, it felt good knowing his sensei believed in him. But, of course, Neji knew how good he was.

When the time finally came, Neji was lucky enough to also have an opponent who fought close range. With a quick glance using his byakugan, he knew his opponent's fate was death. But was it Neji who killed him? Was it Guy? He wasn't sure. But he prepared himself for either option.

The opponent had a strong defense. He was able to harden his arms enough so that the gentle fist barely made an impact. His reflexes were quick and no matter where Neji aimed, the arms blocked the desired spot just in time. There had to be some sort of way to get through...

Neji jumped back and looked at Guy, he was taking on three of the enemy all on his own, laughing all the while, reminding them of how important youth was in a battle. It was impossible to ask Guy to help him create a diversion so he could catch his opponent off guard.

He closed his eyes and remembered their team motto, "Stronger than yesterday." Yes, he was stronger than yesterday. But how could he be stronger than now? Eyes now open he realized his previous attacks may not have been infused with enough chakra.

Neji prepared his fighting stance and the enemy took it as an opportunity to charge toward him. He didn't hold back. He divided up his chakra enough while using all of it at the same time to aim for the opponent's arms and weaken them, then to aim for the rest of the body.

And it worked.

Maybe he wasn't using enough chakra before, or maybe he was. Neji didn't know. Now, at full strength and maximum chakra, he saw the opponent lose the ability of their arms. Before his eyes he saw all the pressure points he had to hit. Neji used all his chakra to disrupt the flow within the other. When the opponent could no longer use chakra, he mustered up all of his chakra and forced it into his last strike, a blow to the heart.

There he stood, arm extended, breathing heavy, Byakugan still activated, and the enemy on the ground, trying to grasp any last hope of life that may have remained. Exhausted, Neji fell to his knees. He now knew the true power of the gentle fist. He let out a chuckle, because the gentle fist was anything but gentle, especially after the fight he just had.

Guy finished around the same time and walked over to Neji, placing a hand on his shoulder. For once, he didn't say anything.

"Is he..." Neji began. He didn't dare finish his question because by know the realization settled in and he didn't want to face the truth. Even though through his Byakugan he could see life no longer in the body before him, Neji had a hard time believing he was the one who killed him.

"Yes, Neji," Guy said. He didn't want to sugar coat anything for Neji, that wasn't what he needed right now. "You did this, but you have no need to feel bad for ending a life, it was what orders were and you were simply being obedient. But now you know the true power of your gentle fist. It should be easier for you to use now. It's combination with your eyes will be unstoppable." Guy was now kneeling beside Neji who hadn't taken his eyes off the lifeless body before him.

The trip back to the village was silent. Guy informed Neji that they finished early and had some time to spare, so they walked back instead of sprinting. Neji was emotionally in no mood to hurry.

* * *

"Guy showed me a lot of compassion, I think he knew I'd never killed anyone before, even though I never said the words to him. I'm grateful to him for how he dealt with me. Even though he's...eccentric, he never intruded into my thoughts and didn't hide anything from me or give me false hope. I was scared, but I never showed it. I haven't spoken of it aloud until now. So really, I just put it in the back of my mind and by the time I'd killed again, it was easier to cope with. That's what it was. That's what you all saw. A blow to the heart." Neji concluded his story and everyone listening stared at him, wide eyed.

No one probed to ask him questions, they'd just witnessed Neji's vulnerability. That in itself answered most of the questions they may have had.

The circle around the campfire grew silent again aside from the crackling of the wood.

"I guess I'll go next," someone spoke up. The others prepared themselves for the next story.


	3. Choji's first kill

"I guess I'll go next," Choji spoke up without adverting his gaze from the fire before him.

"You've all heard this story before, so really, there's nothing new for me to add except that this was the first time I'd killed anyone. It happened right after our first chunin exams, when me, Shikamaru, Naruto, Neji, and Kiba all set out to bring Sasuke back to the village. I killed that Jirobo guy from the Sound. Unfortunately for me, I used the red pill and couldn't catch up with you guys. But there's one thing I never told you...

"I saw it...believe it or not, I did. The messages you guys left for me, carved into that tree. I managed to walk that far and I sat by that tree when I passed out. I'm guessing that's where I was when the medics found me because when I woke up, I was in the hospital."

A single tear fell from Choji's face. He finally looked up from the fire and saw the smiling gazes of his friends. However, the ones that weren't there had no idea what he was talking about, and this was evident to Choji.

"I should explain," he continued. "When I finally beat the big Sound guy, I needed to get away from there. I was, believe it or not, incredibly thin as well as insanely tired from what I just went through. I had every intention of trying to catch up with everyone else, but in the back of my mind, something was telling me I couldn't. I didn't want to believe it because the Sound guy attacked with his words as well. So anything negative, I didn't wanna hear it.

"So as you heard me say, I saw the tree with the carving in it. The rest of the group carved into the tree the direction in which they were going and wrote things. Telling me to hurry, that they were waiting for me, and that they believed in me.

"I accepted that I shouldn't move any more; that pill should have killed me. I sat down happy that I'd made such good friends. I couldn't even think about anything else. The fact that I killed someone didn't hit me until after I'd been awake in the hospital for some time. I was eating when I realized it. I wasn't hungry once it hit me and I was unsure about the whole thing. I didn't know if it was real or if I dreamt it. Shikamaru confirmed it for me that it really did happen. I could have recovered sooner but the thought kept coming back to me and stopped me from eating my normal amount of food."

Choji chuckled at the thought of the past. Him being unable to eat was hilarious. The girls still looked touched by the earlier part of Choji's story, the part where the strength of his friendships blocked all other thoughts for the time being. Shino appeared to continue to hold his grudge as the only guy who didn't go on this particular mission.

"Talking about the mission at the time helped me deal with it. I had to since everyone wanted to know what happened. I'm sure the rest of you talked about that mission a lot too. But between parents, friends, teachers, Konoha officials, gives you plenty of time to come to terms with your first kill.

"Now you know everything," Choji concluded.

Once again, silence fell around the campfire as two of them relaxed, but the others worked up the nerve to be the next to speak.

"Alright, alright," said the blonde boy. "You don't have to beg me to talk, I'll just do it on my own, I'll be next."

"No one's telling you to do anything! It must be all in your head!" Sakura raged in response.

Ignoring Sakura, Naruto jumped to his feet. "It happened after I left Konoha to train with Pervy Sage. He went to a bar, got drunk, and we were attacked by rogue ninja! He was too drunk to fight so I killed them all single handedly!"

The group sitting around the campfire groaned in what seemed to be unison. There was no way that was his story. After all, they all witnessed Naruto's first kill, and a swarm of rogue ninja isn't what they remembered seeing.

"Fine," Naruto said, realizing his attempt at a cool tale had failed. "I'll tell you guys what really happened. But it was when I was out training with Pervy Sage, though. That part's true."


End file.
